Question One: I have a conflict between picking being a puppy or a handler, and even more peculiar, I identify as a puppy or a tiger. So is there a problem if I can't pick one?
Cooper's Answer:
Why not do it all!? The beautiful thing about role play communities is that it's all imagination and fantasy at the start. When we decide to take on a persona - a handler, a pup, a tiger, a kitty, a trainer, etc. - we are making a choice to transform some aspect of ourself into something we are not. For some of us, after we do that we may realize that the aspects we take on in the role-play or fantasy play are pieces of ourselves we have and want to keep even when not role-playing. That is to say, sometimes role playing is a chance to know ourselves differently, to play with aspects of our experiences we didn't give ourselves permission to express before. When I discovered Cooper, I realized that I discovered a part of myself that I had tucked away, never really felt supported to be, and didn't fully practice being before. It changed my life to give myself permission to embrace those things! Some of those aspects I prefer to still keep in role-play land, but some of them are now very integrated into my day to day. It just took role playing for me to let them out and see that other people (pups, handlers, friends) liked to be around them too!
The only other advice I would give you is to ask yourself - how are these different roles I inhabit different? similar? what do I need or want from others when I am in each role? how do I communicate (verbally or non-verbally) what those expectations are to others? how will I let folks know if my expectations are being met or not when I'm in that role?
From there, have a great time and enjoy the experience of exploring your handler, puppy, tiger aspects!
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Question Two: I'm interested in age play, not ABDL [adult baby, diaper lover], but have an extremely kink-averse husband. How do I discuss this with him? Sending him on an internet search would likely scare him off.
Cooper's Answer:
Whenever we are thinking about adding a dynamic or kind of play (age play, in this case) to an existing relationship, there are a few things to think about - consent from the other person/people, our expectations, and the shared agreements about others' involvement. We always want to engage in things consensually. That means we have permission from all involved to do it. Emily Nagoski has described four categories of consent - enthusiastic (they're excited), willing (they will do it but perhaps are neutral or not excited), unwilling (they didn't say no but did it), and coerced (they were talked into it and didn't refuse. The ideal types of consent are enthusiastic and willing, and the other two are to be avoided. When you consider talking to your kink-averse husband, I would have that framework in mind, so you do not enter unwilling or coercion territory.
The other aspect of this to consider is what you want from age play and from a conversation about it with your husband. When you say you are interested in age play - that can mean a lot of things. Does it mean you are just exploring your interest and want permission to explore learning about it in new ways? Does it mean you want to experience it with him? with others? What are your goals? What are your limits or boundaries? What are his? Are you allowed to pursue it with others? A conversation is just a conversation and can lead to a health set of agreements about what your relationship allows for and doesn't. No one can make your husband be ok with it, nor prevent the consequences of a conversation. However, going into it with a plan - especially what you're hoping to get from the conversation can help.
Whenever kink-discordance comes up as a topic, I always remind people - someone's first reaction is their first reaction. People grow, evolve, change, shift their perspective with time, consensual exposure, and intimacy. How you create those things for someone can have an impact. Let people have their opinions, feelings, reactions, and provide support. Sometimes people surprise us. And sometimes they don't. The key is always respecting one another's dignity and choices, even the ones we don't prefer.
Want to submit a question? Subscribe to my monthly newsletter by clicking https://www.supportpupcooper.com/newsletterhttps://www.supportpupcooper.com/newsletter in the menu to my website. You can submit your question in the next issue!
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